Big Brother 2006!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK...lets talk Big Brother!!!!!
How exciting!!!!

I haven't watched TV for three months (don't worry, I haven't gone mad, just joined the Video Ezy dvd club...4 movies a day, 2 of them new releases, for 30 bux a month. I have seen so much CRAP!).

So yeah, what was I saying? Oh TV, none of it, three months, Big Brother, awesomeness, so many slappers and chunky men who all want to skull jugs of illusions and fingerbang like it's 1992...how can ya not loves it?

Here are my feelings on last nights events.

Gretal: love to hate her, hate to love her. I found the suit ensemble a little too confronting. A touch of the " I'm a backup dancer for the Rogue Traders and I give good head" if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
She also looks like she's got a touch of osteoperosis, but let's move on.

The Twist: How good is this country? The big twist is that thay've put in mother and daughter scrubbers who both got boob jobs 7 weeks ago, and have to pretend they don't know each other. Man, I hope they have to pash! I mean what if they're all playing spin the bottle and it points to them? Everyone'll be suss is they don't suck face!

Are you there God? It's me, Wiz. Please make the Krystal pash the Karen.

The Second Twist: It has been alleged that one of those chunks of man flesh is a *gasp* homosexual.
Who could it be? It's not Gaynor (or whatevs his name is). Come on guys, just 'cause his names Gay and he's a male model! Let's think ouside the square.

I think it's that big nugget with the blonde hair that got fines for talking when Big Brother was talking. Or maybe it's the quiet Croation. Actually, it's probably him. He went into lockdown with his mum.

Big Brother: He's being a real arsehole this year, isn't he?

Katie: I have a feeling I'm gonna cop a bit for this, but I like the kid. Sure she's hideous and she has a car called Paris, but she said she looks like a slapper, and I admire that.

Sluts: This house is obviously full of sluts of both the male and female variety. Fingerbanging WILL happen. Oral WILL happen. Bits Will be exposed.
Heck, all the girls were in their bikinis within half an hour of entering the house.
Call me crazy, but if I knew I was on the first episode of Big Brother in prime time, I'd keep my frock on for a little while. A little mystery ya know!

The Melting Pot: Do my eyes decieve me? Is that an Asian I see before me. Oh wait, she's telling me she loves to eat meat pies and watch footy and her biggest turn off is people who come to this country and don't act Aussie. As you were.

In Conclusion: No fat chicks. One Asian who is more Aussie than Warnsey. Sluts. Slappers. Bogans. Grogans. A sensitive farm boy with VERY white teeth. More abs than you can poke a cheese stick at. Mother and daughter with matching boob jobs even though they are self proclaimed "hippies". Fingerbanging for sure. This year will rock.