Mobile Karma

Hey, you wanna hear a funny story?
No?
Tough titties 'cause here it comes.....

On Friday I went to see one of my brothers bands play at the Sando.
It was a delightful experience and was nicely rounded off with karaoke at Kellys (were I was upstaged by an awesome Darkness singer).

Needless to say, the devils nectar had filled my belly, and as I am wont to do, I lost me bloody mobile didn't I?!

My mum rang me in the morning and said she had got a call from Jesters pie shop (where I had enjoyed a delightful 3am cheesestick). They had my phone. He was a lovely man etc.

Hmmmm. I picked my phone up and hopped on a bus. Time to leisurely peruse my messages.
Well it was odd to say the least. There were several strange texts from people questioning my sanity, my sexuality and my appalling language skills.

YES! The pie man had hi-jacked my phone. He certainly was NOT a nice man, mummy.

The worst one went to The D, who is a newish friend, and probably wasn't expecting THIS message from me at 3 o'clock in the morning;

Hey D, I can't wait to see u so i can rub ur cock with razor blades then stick my whole pinky inside ur eyelet and spread ur blood all over my lovebox. then fist ur ass with a baseball bat. love u cockbreath.

Yes...there was a bit of explaining to do.

Then my most excellent friend, Adam, who lives in Finland with his hubby Tommi recieved THIS;

Hey i'm in bed finger banging myself senseless with a jesus dildo why dont u cum over and fist me in the muck hole until i bleed.

Oh the hilarity and confusion that ensued.
I think the only terms that I have even used are 'finger banging' and 'cock breath'.

The moral of the story...karma comes back and bites you on the arse. Eight years ago, some random boy and myself found a mobile phone at the Oxford. We rang a live sex line and spent the whole battery having three way phone sex with some hussy. It was probably a good two hours worth, and some poor punter would have encountered a hideous phone bill.

That is my story.
The End
By Me.