Saturday, December 22, 2007

t.A.t.U - Now With Added Sperm

Russian lesbian pop sensations, t.A.t.U have added penis to the mix somewhere along the way, judging from that preggers belly....


Friday, December 21, 2007

And Leon's Getting Larger

Cher is ashamed of her fat lesbian daughter, or something like that. Once I saw this picture I got horny and couldn't keep reading.

Find out for yourselves!

All I want For Xmas

Yeah, as I was saying, all i want for Christmas is.....Larry Birkhead and Britney Spears to get together!

And guess what?
It's not outside the realms of possibilty.

Larry, Anna Nicole Smiths baby-daddy has a crush on Brits!

"I think Britney is sexy," he has announced to the world, further cementing the worlds opinion of him as a fine judge of character when choosing a mate.

Some booner or other has said "Larry has a thing for vulnerable blondes - and no one seems more vulnerable than Britney these days," adding that Larry finds being a single dad challenging, and is looking to date a single woman with children.

HAHAHA! Please happen and please get MTV onto this straight away.

ps. Brits is getting her kids hair tested for pot residue....god I missed you all!

Whacko's Lips Explode!

OK, so Michael Jackson is not normal. Yes?
He is a delicate and precious flower. Yes?

Life may be beautiful but it is also fraught with danger. Yes?
My arm has 3 massive burns on it at the moment resulting from my attempts to iron and cook. Martha I am not...and danger is EVERYWHERE.

My next door neighbour asked me if I had become a cutter, that's how much I stuffed up my little home economics adventure, but again I digress....

So Michael was playing with his 'son' the other day, and his son BURST HIS LIP!!!!!!!!!!

"He was whacked in the face accidentally by his younger son Prince Michael II while playing around and part of Jackson's upper lip collapsed.

"That mishap led an hysterical Jacko to make a beeline for the plastic surgeon for a bit of quickie repair work."

HAHA! Imagine living next door to this white woman!

The worst my neighbours get is, "hey, I'm locked out", or "did you just hear/smell that massive fart I just did?", or "hey check out my massive rack in this new outfit!"

Michael would be all like "sorry for disturbing you but I think there's a nose in my soup", or "that postman is so ignorant, he just called me Terri Hatcher. It's just ignorance" etc.

So bottom line is, Michael Jackson was playing with his 5 year old son and his lips disintegrated.

This has been my second favorite story today

The Turkey Slap Diaries

Have you heard our latest toon Turkey Slap?

Go to our Myspace and give your ears an early Xmas treat!

It's all killer no filler, right? But what you haven't heard is the TRUE tale of our Turkey Slap recording (unless you're in Bosom, and if you are, hey dudes, see you at rehersal!)

So this romantic lovesong was recorded in a Sydney studio, lets call it Budhha Studios, recently.

When we told our engineer the song was called Turkey Slap, he ejaculated (words out of his mouth, not semen from his pants, numnuts); "I love Camilla!"

A bit of background for those of you not in the know... Camilla was a housemate on 2006 Big Brother. She was lovingly held down by two boys who then proceeded to slap her in the face with their penises (penii?).

T'was mighty scandalous, with even the PM at the time getting involved, saying;

"Here's a great opportunity for Channel 10 to do a bit of self-regulation and get this stupid program off the air".

Ha. If Rudd the Stud was in office at the time he would have gone in and had a turkey slap party with them. But I digress.

Said engineer then proceeded to tell us he had recorded a song for Camilla, the pock faced slut with a heart of gold who had stolen his own wooden heart.

After recording our tune, we rushed into the mixing room and begged to hear this amazing song, and AMAZING IT WAS!

He had basically taken a sample from the show when Camilla was evicted. The sample was; "But I'm not wearing any underwear".

This was set to a technotronic beat and was repeated infinite times.

It was hypnotic.

He just stared off into space as it played over and over again..."not wearing any/not wearing any/ but I'm not wearing any underwear..."

SCARY STALKER MAN! Just the kind I like!

I told him he should send it to her, and guess what???? He already had!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadly, she has not replied, fuckin snobby bitch.

He looked sad, but I can report that he didn't cry.

The End By Me