Family Portrait
Is this the best picture of Lindsay Lohan and her mum ever?????Or is this?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Me And Brit
Gawd, substitute toilet bowl for gutter and bodyguard for random stranger, then you pretty much have my evening last night, down to teeeeeee...."Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off.
"She had a room booked at the hotel but was too ill to stay and was begging her bodyguard to take her home.
"She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up.
"There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth.
"Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn't really seem with it, but I don't know if she was drunk or not."
Except I'm pretty sure I was drunk!Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Edgey
I couldn't get to sleep last night. I tossed and turned until 4 am! 4 AM MIND YOU!!!!!And what did I think about during those long lonely hours?
Well to tell you the truth I spent at least 2 of them wondering how The Edge can get away with being called The Edge.
What kind of nickname is that anyway?
Is it because he's cutting edge?
I wonder if anyone has ever walked near him and sung "don't push me/cause I'm close to the edge".
This is what kept me awake last night.
The Edge....your name is dumb.
And then I woke up and it was all a dream.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Cucumber Flavoured Pepsi
Coming soon to Japan, Cucumber flavoured Pepsi.I don't care what you say about cultural differences, that shit would taste disgusting in any language.
Now pumpkin and paprika Pepsi, that I would try....now with added alliteration!
Pam - Mum Of The Year
Imagine having Pamela Anderson as your mum.Total radness.
Recently she was asked whether she had told her kids about her 'infamous' sex video.
Pammy replied;
"Actually I did tell them, I said, 'You know, when your dad and I were first together we used to video tape everything. Everybody's naked, hugging, kissing, all that good stuff and someone stole the tape.'"
Ok, that's good. She handled that well.
Pamela continues;
"And I remember when we were watching the film and Dylan goes, 'You mean everybody has seen this?' And I said, 'Yes.'"
WAIT A MINUTE!!! Did she just say "when we were watching the film"?????
Firstly, who watches their own home made porno with their kids?
And secondly, isn't Dylan like 9 years old?
Wow, I can't wait for that kids version of Mummy Dearest.
No wire hangers and lotsa lube!
Brisbane Times Rulz OK
Congratulations to the Brisbane Times, for what may well prove to be the Headline Of The Millennium.
In an article describing lead singer of Right Said Fred's ( as if you need to know his name) involvement in a gay rights march in Moscow, turned ugly, they chose to go with....
I'm Too Sexy For This Punch-Up.
Well played, Brisvegas. I am deeply dippy for you.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Date Of The Week
Hi I am an exciting and busty lady in the Chicagoland area. I am widowed and looking for some fun and adventure with a handsome companion. My hobbies include quilting, golfing, and painting seashells.Find her at Hot Or Not
Marry Me Sharon
I've said it before and I'll say it again, that Ozzie is one lucky man!
Sharon Osbourne's at it again, this time sticking the proverbial up to icky Gene Simmons;
"[Kiss' Gene Simmons] said that our kids are on drugs and that his aren't messed up like that. He'll always be C-list, and his wife's snatch has been rubbed on every pole in L.A. I'll fucking tear his head off and stick it up his wife's cunt!"
HAHAHAHA....what a gal!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Possum Nipple Warmers
Sorry about all the Youtube posts below. Youtube decided to collect all the vids i had attempted to display over a week long period, and shove em all up together.
To help forget the Tubsters stupidity, let us take a moment to admire these New Zealand Possum Fur Nipple Warmers. Very attractive.
I'm sure no possum was deliberately harmed in the creation of these fine accessories. They just popped down to Reverse Garbage for some roadkill.
Oh, and here's SUPER GREG!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
YMCA Pony Club
Look what I discovered on Media Watch.A racegoer managed to strategically place himself in the finishing photos from races 2 to 6. His gestures spelling out YMCA (with a full stop).
HAHA. This big brown turd of a land sure is peopled by funny folk.
Go here to see all the pics. Alas it is PDF (I hate PDF's, they are so unwilling to get along with others), but hey...its a shit and a giggle.
Paula Blames Dog
I've gotta say, I love me a bit of Paula Abdul action.I love how she had to wear an arm cast cause her fake fingernail got infected.
I love how she is always off her tits, and claps like a baby seal.
I love that she did a duet with MC Skat Cat.
Now I love how she blames her broken nose on her chihuahua.
"She tripped to avoid stepping on Tulip, one of her Chihuahuas," claims her rep.
In a pigs eye Paula!
We all know you were tanked up on Hillbilly Heroin and called Keanu Reeves to invite him over to suck face and when he said no you tried to end it all, Emmaunuel Lewis style, in a dramatic breakdancing suicide attempt.
E News has thoughtfully provided a list of Homegirls recent "bizarre" accidents. My fave being;
In April 2006, she filed a police report claiming she suffered back injuries and a concussion when she was thrown into a wall at a club by a fellow partygoer.
HA. She's such a little Cabbage Patch Kid.
The Spoiler T Shirt
I never get anything, which is refreshing don't you think? I think the only one I got here was the Psycho one. I sure am dumb.Link
MJ - Still Odd
Here are instructions (found via Defamer) for members of Michael Jacksons Boys Only Club,
The Rubberheads, so named because of the following (missing) point:
# 14 - If Iggy and The Stooges go overtime because they performed an extended version of I Wanna Be Your Dog, all members must rub Presidents head (the little one thats still black), and are given automatic permission to be in bed, naked and not alone.
Peace Out
The Rubberheads, so named because of the following (missing) point:# 14 - If Iggy and The Stooges go overtime because they performed an extended version of I Wanna Be Your Dog, all members must rub Presidents head (the little one thats still black), and are given automatic permission to be in bed, naked and not alone.
Peace Out
Ewans Cock Still Big
Ewan Mcgregors Penis has its own website. Does your penis? I didn't think so.That's because Ewan has one of the most celebrated penises (or penii) in the whole world and you don't.
So imagine Ewans dismay when he discovered a report announcing that he had purchased a shit load of WonderJocks from AussieBum.
The Wonderjock is specifically designed to enhance ones package.
His dick must have blushed from her to man-ternity.
An apology was issued by the AussieBumsters which included this ego stroke (or penis stroke);
"He's a fan of the brand generally and has bought several different items from the range, but certainly not the Wonderjock. Given his reputation, we doubt very much there would be a need for this."
I've seen the Pillowbook. Shiyat, what a boring movie, except for when Ewans pee pee comes out. Then I sat up and took notice!
Look how long his kilt has to be to hide that monster of a cock....what a dirty bird.
Special Needs Paris
Precious Paris is going to jail and its gonna be just like poor Frances Farmer all over again.
Picture this coming out of La Paree's mouth. I was"raped by orderlies, gnawed on by rats, poisoned by tainted food, chained in padded cells, strapped in strait jackets and half drowned in ice baths"...and it was totally not hot!
Get a grip honeydip. What is it now? 23 days? Relax. Take a load off. Reflect, redact then redux.
Besides, you're being housed in the 'special needs housing unit', ya little spaztard! No sharp corners and lots of play dough to form meaningful relationships with. You'll be fine.
While we're waiting for further information on Paris' incarceration, please enjoy my fabulous photoshop skills.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Fresh Meat
The young people of today are TIRED and BORING!I am sooooo over Lindsay Lohan, you don't even know!
Who gives a fuck if she does blow?
Who cares who she blows?
That girl loves to get wasted and suck cock.
Where's the mystery?
Who doesn't? (and yes, that is her bare vagina to the left)
It's got to the point now, when she's on the cover of NW, I stop and say to my lovely Vietnamese newsagent lady "Who fucking gives a fuck?!"
Then I ask her to bag it and "give me a pack of under the counter-straight from China- tax free-rollie baccy while you're down there"
You know what I'm saying?
So I'm gonna start a new obsession, and this one sprang from the loins of a legend who had to WORK for his Bentley.
If you got a petri dish and loaded it up with the egg of Asslee (sic) Simpson and the sperm of Britney Spears, sprinkled it with some steroids and cooked on a low heat for several years, you'd get Brooke Hogan.
What an awesome slut.
Look at her here with her dad;
It's like he's saying "Don't look at the head, look at the pubis region. We've removed that pesky cock. Come. Take a peek."
But then you'd be all like "But hulk, you're gonna kill me"
And he'd be all like "nah...take a looksie. If you've got the cash, I've got the stash"
JUST...DON'T... LOOK.... AT.... THE.... HEAD.....
She' got a face only a father could love, but a bod he, we, he, and she could love. Oh, and did i mention she's a singer?
Ohhhhhh yeah....this is who I want on the cover of NW.
Fuck you Lindsay. Until you do something like Gem (Truely Outrageous), just fuck off. You are so Generation ZZZZZZZ. Brooke is so awesome she don't need none of this "Generation" bullshit.
She be GENERATION WOWEEEE NOWEEEE!
BB Diary Entry #1
This year I have been pulled back into the world of Big Brother.I love no one but hey, I feel the same way about my own family so that shouldn't hold me back.
I really HATE Emma, even though she has the biggest boobs on the whole show.
Shocking, isn't it?!
Anyway, here is a new Busting Out segment that I've created because Jamie "i've got a big tongue that won't fit in my mouth and I'm getting fat cause I eat everything I make" Oliver (or as I like to call him Jamie "IGABTTWFIMMAIGFCIEEIM" Oliver) is on channel 10 and I don't care how drunk I am, I'm not watching that!
This segment is basically where I grab the most recent diary entry from the official BB site and make pertinent observations.
Todays instalment is called "Emotionless Dork".
Enjoy;
Jamie and Bodie chat in the yard. Bodie says: “I feel like we’re having an experience, but are yet to experience it.”
Oh Bodie, I know how you feel. Once I felt like I was having a bath, but was yet to get wet. COSMIC!
Jamie says when he was told he was coming into the BB house: “I felt completely numb.”
“Scared?” Bodie wonders.
Yes Bodie, because numb, being incapable of feeling emotion, means pretty much the same as scared, a time or condition of alarm or worry.
“Devoid of emotion,” Jamie (quite correctly) replies, adding (quite unexpectadly), he thought: “I’m not cool, I’m not good looking. What?”
What???? What???? I agree, WHAT???
“I’m trying to roll with it and have a good time and show people who I am,” Bodie says: “Even if it would take me all the way to the end, I wouldn’t do it if I were fake.”
Please, for the love of Jebus, fake it Bodie...pretend you are not a knob. It may enhance the experience you're not having.
“I’ve never felt so complete in my life and everything,”
I love you Bodie, you complete me.
Bodie explains.
Jamie replies: “We don’t spend that much time together, but we don’t have a problem with each other.”
Jamie, please spread your wings and SOAR! So far you are nothing but a self described nerd. Tim was a nerd but he was interesting. Surprise us! Tell us you have a secret crush on Mercedes Corbey. Something! Anything!
Jamie heads to the bedroom where some of the HMs are chatting. The HMs enquire about Nick’s nerd status, Nick replies: “I speak a little geek, but I’m not fluent.”
Nice soundbite Nick. I think they should pick all the contestants Willy Wonka style and stuff this profiling shit.
And now for a secret. When i first saw Travis I thought to myself "ooooh my, what an uneducated love-o of a nugget" but when they were playing getting to know you games and the rules were "one of the 3 things i say about myself is a lie" and he said, in his broad truck driving accent "i speak fluent Mandarin" I laffed and laffed, and even though he has said nothing else remotely interesting, I love him.
There you have it boys. Make me laugh once, and you'll be needing an AVO out on me before the next Queens Birthday weekend.
So...what do we think of this new segment?
I think it's rad! Imagine if I had started it at
10:29:
"Hayley is not impressed with the porridge"!!!!
Stay tooned.