Thursday, July 27, 2006

Everyone's Gay

Am I the only one shocked that both Lance Bass and Darryn Hayes are gay?

I just went to that Lance link (above) and a certain hairy man who is sitting besides me enquired "has he had plastic surgery to look that gay?".

Now let's just take a moment to hear what Richard Simmons said when asked if he was gay;

"I might as well be gay. And not just because I love rhinestones and Barbara Streisand. But because I'm a sensitive person who is supportive of gay people the same way I'm sensitive to grossly obese people and ugly people".

If I was Jebus I would make the whole world gay.
I reckon Lance is only pretending to be gay so that George Michael will give him some weed and Elton John can fund his desired mission to the moon.
So obvious Lance...I tried that one last year.

PS. My fave google results from "Lance Bass Space Mission" are;

Russia Softens Stance on Lance Bass' Space Ambitions ...

Can Lance Bass Sing His Way Into Space

No Space for Lance Bass



Things I Missed

So I get back from a crazy Byron Bay/Splendor holiday and discover that


"(George's) new buddy Kirtland crept from the undergrowth looking sheepish and rushed to his Ford Transit van. As he opened the door a grubby, stained mattress was clearly visible in the back."

I really think George should come up to Splendor with me and me mates next year. He would fit in very well!

News Of The World broke the story. You can go here to read about "Georges Sex Shame". While you're there, don't forget to check out the special Shame Slideshow. Class!

I also discovered that Kim Basinger may have rooted Jodie Foster in 1989.
You don't believe me? Check out this fax that's up on ebay.


More details HERE.

Pheweeee. What else did I miss?

I'll give you the lowdown on my hols later on in the day. It was probably the funniest holiday I have ever been on, and that's saying a lot considering that these are pictures from my last holiday;

Monday, July 17, 2006

Warick Cops One

Did everyone read this story about Warick Capper getting his nose broken on the set of his first film (yes, you read that right)?

You can read the article here.

I'm rather impressed with his stance regarding the detention centres, and am even more impressed with his comments regarding his plastic surgeon.

"I've called my plastic surgeon and booked an appointment when I return to Brisbane."My surgeon's really pissed off. He only finished working on my new nose a month ago."

I will definitely be going to see Yobbos Up The Guts when it is released.

Some Paris Gems

Paris did an interview with The Times recently, and, lets just say, it was very special.

Let's look at what our favourite STD host had to say;

On Peroxide:
"There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde - like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana - and right now, I'm that icon."

On Her Hectic Lifestyle:
- "There's a lot of heiresses out there, and I don't see any of them doing what I've done. It's Paris Hilton plc, baby! I have so many projects - bags, fragrances, make-up. I go round the world every three days, designing and personally approving it all. I've got movies to make, a tour, TV shows. Every day of my life is scheduled until the end of 2007."

On Her Intelligent Family:
- "I was having dinner with my grandfather last week, and he said, 'You work harder than any CEO I know.'"

On Partying:
- "There's nobody who can generate as much as I can for events. They did a poll in the States asking people who they'd most like to see at a party - and it was me."

On Being A Skanky Ho:
- "I'm non-confrontational. Certain girls just use me to get media attention. They have their publicists call the tabloids and make something up, because a feud with Paris Hilton always gets press."

On Friends And Foes:
- [Stavros] thinks [Lindsay Lohan]'s pathetic."


- "Jealousy is a terrible thing."

On Mythology:
- "I have to make the most of things right now. I'm stuck in the myth, baby."

On Sports:
- "Sometimes I feel like the media uses me as a punchbag."

What a slutguts. Loves it.

That's A Painting!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon
Vader Sessions

Ummm, this is very funny!
James Earl Jones voicing over HIMSELF (Vader)

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Jackie Chan- My Hero

I think I just fell in love with Jackie Chan.

That lovable larrikan got roaring pissed at a concert by Taiwanese pop star, Jonathan Lee, and jumped up on stage.

He traded insults with the audience and then tried to conduct the band.

Then he announce to the crowd that he was well drunk and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Rock n ROLL!

Here's the story.

I love it. I do shit like that all the time. Once I jumped up on stage with the strippers at Marrickville RSL, and flashed me boobies. I am not lying....I got a much better response than the other dancers.
Admittedly I was briefly dumped by my boyfriend and brutally bashed by bouncers, but it was all worth it for that audeince approval.

Justin Timberlake....Again.

I'm sorry to enforce two Justin posts on you within the same number of days, but this pic is HAWT!
I love me boys all tattoed up. Obviously the tatts are fakes for his movie debut in Alpha Dog, but it's all fantasy really, ain't it?

I have to admit, the Mother Mary Of God etching might be a little bit of a turnoff, given my intense Catholic background (i was an altar girl!), but then again, it could fire up some sacreligious passions in my cold cold loins.

Pink Power Ranger Nood

Here is a bit of amateur nudity (as opposed to professional nudity which you can't do unless there is a chartered accountant in the room), from the pink power ranger, Amy Jo Johnson.

When they were filming the Power Rangers Movie in Sydney, there was an open casting call for extras. My friend and I (i believe this could have been you, Ash), drove over to Darling Harbour to participate, but upon seeing the throngs of people, went to McDonalds instead, to sample their new burger, The McChickenburger.

I guess it was Ok, but I still preferred Quarter Pounders.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Four For (f)Ash!

Sorry for putting an (f) in front of your name, but these link dumps are all about alliteration, and "eight for ash" just wasn't gonna happen today.

A few days ago, Ashypoo posed the question "who do you have to fuck to get a whole "joy of you" section on your blog!!?? "

Well I'm pleased to say, the answer is me, and despite giving birth most recently, she has fulfilled the rquirement, so here are some stoopid links for her.

PS. Ash, your breast pumps still under my bed.

Hello to all friends and lovers of rare and vintage musical electronic toys. This is the first museum of lost organs, damned keyboards, childish synthesizers, dusty voice transformers and singing calculators. Most of them are from the 70ies and 80ies.

Save Marissa Cooper

Ash loves Marissa Cooper. When Marissa experimented with pot, so did Ash. Same with lesbosis and dating Barney Rubble.
I'm sure you'll all want to sign this petition to prevent her death on the awesomest show the OC.

Put On A Happy Face.

I can't remeber if Ash has ever been arrested. I'm inclined to think that her record is clean.
Here is a collection of people pulling silly faces in their mugshots.Rubber Boot Fetish.

It is what it says. Nude ladies in their William Wish Wellingtons.

So who's uo next? You know the rules now!

J.T Will Push It

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat. "My Gawd", I shrieked at Rizzo The Dawg.

What on earth was I freakin out about? I'll tell you what I was freakin out about, I was freakin out about the future of pop music, specifically, who was gonna push it?

Thank Lordi for our saviour, Justin Timberlake, who, funnily enough, had just rushed into my bedroom;

"I realize that I have a platform to push the sound of pop music. That's the only responsibility that I put on myself in recording the album," He said, gently patting my fevered brow.

"If I'm not going to push it, then who's going to push it?"

Who indeed? I can't think of anyone more qualified, JT. Now go and make me a soothing cup of tea, ya hunky beyatch.

Go Here to listen to his new single, Sexy Back...
not sure. Hmmmm.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Paris Pie

Eeeeeew. That girl makes me vomit. If you want to make it bigger, you know...if you wanna.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Demi-Dozen For Denis

My wonderful friend Denis popped up for a spot of karaoke on the weekend, and made me cry.
He told me he had never been so hurt as when he read me describe Ben as my "favourite Canberrian funny guy", on this here blog.

I had, of course, forgotten that Denis existed, despite our 12 year history.

I'm like that.

To cheer us both up, todays link dump is entitled Demi-Dozen For Denis.

I hope you are practising your whittling, and enjoy the following, mr. It's all for you!

The Cleaning Hunk..

This is how I imagine cleaning would get done in sexy Canberra.

Classic Internet, Richard Sandrak....

Umm, yeah....HAWT!

Japanese Ballerina Fetish

Ain't it just adorable?!

Pink Car Kit.

What Den will be buying me for my birthday!
Who's The Scientist?

Did you know Denis is a scientist? Yes! He is an Evolutionary Biologist! Wow!!!!
Here are pics kids drew of scientists before and after they met them.

Rap Lyrics Translated...

Denis likes words. Here are some words.

The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in the finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate.

Ashley's A Mong

Further to my Big Brother post, this was on the back page of SMH last week. It had me in stitches.

Few Big Brother contestants have been noted intellectuals, but at least one is trying to improve his mind, even thought he lists his favourite party trick as flicking bottletops.

Ashley, 20, who, according to his Wikipedia entry, is perceived like a little brother by his housemates, declared while working out in the gym:

"When I get outta here I wanna start reading the paper more. You know, politics and shit - find out what's going on in the world. I don't know much about that sort of stuff. One of my mates was talking about the tsunami, and I was like, 'What tsunami?' I didn't know what he was talking about."

sorry to whoever I stole this pic from...sue me or tell me who u are.


This Big Brother Turkey Slap Incident, or Turkeyslapgate, as I like to call it, has gotten ridiculously out of hand.

As I believe I've mentioned before on these esteemed pages, I have given up Big Brother this year.
Of course, the slightest whiff of scandal had me scurrying back like Jesus to a child.

Before I get into the bibs and bobs of this latest scandal, let's have a short history lesson.

Warrick Capper.
This man was on Celebrity Big Brother several years ago, but was kicked off 'cause he flashed his blood filled sock at some other 'celebrities' with vaginas.

We all laughed.


Last year, this man rubbed his penis on Giannas shoulder.
No-one complained that this dudes HEAD looked like a penis and was on my TV everyday.
The saddest part of this was its affect on Mamma Michael.
"I had my mum in tears thinking that people were being mean to me," he said.

Ash And John

Ok, here we are today.
Look at these two. I am, you are, we are Aus-tray-li-eeeeens.

Before I saw the actual footage, i went to some forums and found an enraged public.
'My gawd', I thunk. 'This be some bad shit...they are disgusting man pigs and should be castrated'.
But then I saw the video.

Ummmmm, dudes, I'm sorry, but this Camilla lass was laughing and pinching nipples after the 'incident'.

These people are gross, and perhaps the real crime is allowing them 15 minutes of fame. Big Brother didn't pull them from the house for another 15 hours. Maybe they thought it was a silly old joke too.

It's foul, particulalry how they hold her down...I am in no way excusing these bogans, but much like last years penisontheshouldergate, if the reciever of the penis doesn't complain...its a tacky gag.

I'm too scared to post my feelings on a forum, because anyone expressing these sort of opinions has been told to go on a P and O cruise...or worse!

Sexual assualt is a serious crime which myself and many of my friends have experienced first hand. Getting righteous over a couple of losers who have been put in a bizarre, higly sexual environment for our viewing gratification is ridiculous.

It's good that people are talking about the disgusting 'blokiness' of our Oz culture, but remember, these people were chosen by BB producers for this very reason.

For fucks sake! This John character's Myspace profile (which has since been removed) had the tagline "Gangbanging aint dead baby!!!!!!!".

Why did no producer see this before putting him in the house?
BLEr...i've had enuff...
Watch the video and tell me what you think.